This post, in the Values series, includes an exercise at the end as a video and a .pdf.

Your inner critic thinks small is safe.

In my decade of life coaching change leaders, I’ve learned that your inner critic – saboteur, gremlin, call it what you will – isn’t usually evil, just unskilled. It wants you to be better, safer – in fact, happier.

For a certain value of “happy.”

The problem is that their criteria and methods are often out-of-date. The voice of your critic may be an old voice – from childhood, keeping you safe, or from high-school, helping you fit in with the crowd. Or it may be a “wise” advisor, preventing terrible false steps to spare you humiliation.

Can you hear your critic’s voice now? For some it’s just a feeling: pulling back, staying small, waiting until you’re good enough to move forward. For others, the critic urges you to defend your safety by puffing up, playing a role, or lashing out.

Imagine taking the advice of your critic. Just stay in that so-called “safe” stance for a moment. Is this where you want to live? From this stance, what kind of leader are you?

Good news: you’re ‘bigger on the inside’

Your critic may have missed all the personal development you’ve been doing.

You’ve moved on from your vulnerable childhood, from your teen years of finding your tribe. You’ve learned that your way to contribute and shine may be different from others – and also great, for you and for them! You’ve learned that mistakes are not fatal – and sometimes they spark important learning!

Frankly, you’ve outgrown your critic. And yet, somehow, their “stay safe” advice can still undercut or trigger you in a flash.

There’s much more to you. And there’s a skillset we can strengthen, to help you reign in your (not so) helpful critic, and bring a this more whole-self perspective to things. It leverages another source of inner wisdom, one that also wants you to succeed… and which is fully up-to-date with who you are now.

Your Core Values

Core Values are ever present, and in fact each of us already lives from these, in one way or another. You’re either honoring your personal values in the choices you make, or denying them and paying the price – with deferred dreams, with pain in your neck or your stomach, with anxious nights, sugar-binges or that familiar “fraud” feeling we all know. Core Values may be present… but if you’ve never articulated them clearly, they may be hard to find in the moment when their wisdom is needed.

Your Core Values are a huge source of wisdom inside you. Will you give them a voice?

Core Values as advice from your Best Self.

Clarifying and amplifying your Core Values gives you more options, more support to make truly satisfactory choices in any given moment. There’s no formula or checklist; just getting to know yourself better, and living from your Best Self, in the moment. There’s more to this “Best Self” work, but clarifying your Core Values is the start – and this, by itself, can be truly transformational!

In the video on this page, I invite you to spend an hour with me, in a space free of perfectionism, to get back in touch with what makes life great for you. Bonus: in my experience, this also makes you great for others … and, after they get over the shock,  they’ll love you for that!

A short values exercise

Watch as I lead a colleague through this short values exercise, challenging her to dig in until she uncovers the ideas and phrases that really resonate, that make her smile and feel good.

I loved her exclamation, when we were done:

“It’s like clearing a closet!
It’s like Marie Kondo, getting to all the mess in my head and just keeping what brings joy!”

Find a quiet corner, bring your notebook or postits, and do the steps yourself. Or download the exercise in my e-book, to use later.  Another alternative: join our next TenWomenStrong SHINE circle for #WomenInAgile, where we always kick off with this exercise. But don’t forget! Good things await you here.

I wish you joy.

– Deb