Welcome! These are my reflections, most recent is first. (If you’re new here, it might make more sense if you read from the bottom toward the top.)
Click the images for larger view.
Click the images for larger view.
Enjoy, and please comment or ask questions at the bottom of this page! I currently have a server issue, so I must come check manually to see if there are comments… I will do so!
March 25, 2021:
Amazing synchronicity! Today I’m working on a page, on which I represent my clients as Windflowers (Anemone).
The doorbell rings. A client has sent me fresh flowers, celebrating our coaching completion call today!
… And the purple ones are … Windflowers. (The Freesias also smell heavenly :-)
Today I learned:
Anemone is a symbol of protection and anticipation
Anemone is a symbol of protection and anticipation
March 15, 2021. Back at it…
I have been feeling s-l-o-w, as is usual in the German spring time. My pollen allergies are way worse than back home in Canada. So: sleeping a lot (since I am limited in what I can take for allergies).
I have also been feeling disconnected from the flow of the course. I always prefer to learn in an interactive way, but have been disappointed to not find that element in this program. I had hoped calls would be teaching and interactive, but they are mostly check-in. And without FaceBook, I am sure I am missing the one place interaction is happeniing… So, several of us are now meeting to “hang out” during the week. This has brought a big shift in energy for me. Yay!
This site added another layer of communication failure :-( – it used to notify me of comments, but it does not now. I’m sorry about that – guess something changed, with WP updates and all. I will talk with my ISP. Until then, I will check back here manually. I have also turned off comments on images/video, so all comments will be on this here page – easier to see all together.
OK, back to Smash Booking!
I will put them in here from newest at the top to oldest, as I had been doing in the past, so for chronological order, read from the bottom up – new posts start with “Resistance”!
Resting pages ongoing…
I have, meanwhile, been putting down images, colours, words that ask for my attention, even if they don’t progress anywhere yet.
And I have made another page related to my cover. Inside the front cover, the poem quote from Brian Andreas now appears again (maybe I need to hear it again :-)
Parallel work with a client:
During the period described below, I offered a client a Smash Book session as part of her coaching, to deal with some resistance she was feeling about her “Big Mission”. Well, hello, that would be helpful for me too! That is the day I was reminded that “a woman should be like a single flower, not a whole bouquet” – Anna Held.
Which is the flower that makes up my signature “perfume”? This is the one I must develop, because I WAS MADE FOR THIS (quote from Joan of Arc)!
Meanwhile – a Portal has appeared…
A couple of weeks ago, I had the urge to find a photo I loved from my visit to Mysore in India. Seeing it, I felt the urge to have it in my Smash Book, and so I tried the gesso image transfer method – it was perfect for this! I parked it on a blank resting page, and waited to see…
Well, what do you know? It is a portal! Reflecting now I see it is perfect: this was an old temple, beautiful and elaborate but no longer “alive”. No longer in use. Likewise the left side of the page developed as something beautiful but breathless – a past career that no longer breathed, it was just nice to look at. So I honored it with a beautiful page, noticing that “me” only showed up on that page in small ways… and carrying that turquoise colour over to the portal drawing, realising the blue and gold are who I am and all I need to take with me… To the rest, I say “thank you, and good bye!”.
The bright doorway in which I stand will be cut through to the next page (the white gesso’s page below, as it happens!). A portal into a new thing!
More resistance!
The resistance process itself allowed me to dispense with some resistance that was more superficial – ego stuff like holding on to reputation, seniority, respect, community influence. But I was aware that some roles still tugged at me – those with a closer relation to my deep values. So I made a page for those. Meanwhile, re-listening to Catt’s videos, I realised why I was stuck on that page: “you cannot get there from here”. I could not resolve into my new role(s) using the language of the old ones. So I finally painted the page with gesso and left it blank for a few days, to breathe. That feels good! Still in progress. One word is parked there, for now.
Resistance
I am dealing with baggage. Surprisingly, during this exercise it surfaced that my biggest baggage is past roles I have played and been known for. I have been a life coach for 12 years, but before that I was in the software profession, doing process coaching, teaching, event organizing, team training. I have created a canvas and several card decks used by our community. I have trained Open Space facilitators and trained-the-trainer for my own program.
I filled the page with the list of roles… and when I added colours everything turned spiky and sharp!
For the next step in Resistance, I lucked into a Yoga session online, using Yoga with Journaling! So I participated, using this Resistance inquiry as my material, and instead of writing in a journal, I worked on this page. The Yoga practice helped me feel this spiky-ness in myself (ick!) and let me choose to relate to these roles in a different way. I chose a pink flower unfurling gently, in my solar plexus. So I overlaid the page content with the flower. I used my new Jelly Gouache paints, which I am really enjoying – water based, intense colour, opaque. Feels good!
Feb 4, 2021. Progressing … slowly :-)
I finished a grounding page, and wanted “rain” in there… but it did not want to go in :-) So I made a second resting page, with rain. It’s hard to see, but there are thousands of tiny, individually painted, silvery rain drops there. It was a nice meditation to do that. And I found it really easy to use the page – the 3D feel of rain falling on me and all around, as far as the eye can see, connects me to the environment! Lovely, and it works fast. A nice surprise. 
Then on to the Resistance page. I started a list and then stopped, and observed myself for some days. Then made a new, different list. Then as I worked on that busy, busy page, thinking “So many things!” I committed to work with the things, even if they felt like too many. It did feel like the inside of my head, LOL. And as I did it, the meaning of the things, the common denominator came out: Grief. So I added that last. Then I let it rest for two days. 
Meanwhile I realised that I was resisting the “paint it over” step – and that this felt like just another symptom of Grief – losing good things, saying goodbye. So obviously I needed to do it. But how? I thought about different gestures, materials. I decided on a gentle, kind way: with a natural sea sponge, with a “warm white” paint, not a cold gesso. So, saying goodbye, in a kind way. What is left? A definition of a Japanese word I needed, the word Grief lightly sketched in chalk, and a snippet of Scripture, about holding on to what is everlasting. Sigh. That was … challenging. :-) 
Jan 22, 2021. Making my first Book.
It took me about 10 days to really firmly get my intention clear, but it was worth it. Collecting the bits and colours and materials helped me process this. My challenge was: to move away from my initial impulse of”letting go of old roles” (literally, I wanted to “let go” of this negative framing) to move to a new, forward looking framing. I mean, I don’t let my clients get away with negative framings, so it’s important for me, too.
And so I have prepared The Journal of The Wind, with lots of loose ends, because I do not know where I am headed, and I want to float with that. There’s a feather (something new and beautiful will drift in on the winds) and scraps of paper being blown off the back cover (remains of old projects – pretty, but time to let them go). And in the middle, just the wind, moon and stars. And me.
Unlike my usual colour schemes (sunny, garden-y) this is a new colour scheme for me: blues, grays, a moonscape. Challenging myself to dwell in a mysterious, slow, new landscape for the duration of this exploration :-) Thanks for the prompts, Catt.
Intention: the new framing is: floating, being in the wind, being the wind. Ahh. What a relief. Also, a challenge – which is, if course, exactly what I want.
I am quite happy with the process I did – it made me wrangle with my intention in a way that words did not do, previously. I think words are not my thing – too light, too ephemeral. Having to put down it concretely in images somehow requires me to feel what I want, to really walk the talk, and that’s helpful. I am working on using shape and colour to express emotions right now. (Rather than painting representations or stories, which for me seem like just another way to work with words – so, not a good way to go deep, for me :-)
Crushing the pages was more fun than I thought. And I still want to collage a few words that inspire me to stay in the wind. I may seal the whole thing with acrylic medium using my gelli plate, once I feel it’s done.
Photos: (click for larger images)
▪ Arches paper (recycling an old, large, half painted piece of beautiful paper),
▪ watercolour (being careful, as I don’t want toxic cobalt colours where I’ll be touching constantly!),
▪ sparkly ink, acrylic ink,
▪ cotton cord (hand stitched).
▪ the “gilding” is acrylic: silver, iridescent medium, titanium buff, turquoise, gray-blue.
I was having so much fun with the colours, I forgot a few things that wanted to be on the cover. I chose a few words from quotes and poems, and a piece of shredded paper that really wanted to blow away, on the cover :-)
Here is a video of the more completed cover. That was fun!
Jan 22, 2021. Hello :-)
I’m excited to be learning Cosmic Smash Booking, at just the right time. I turned 60 last week, and after a year long pause to consider what’s important, what’s mine, now is the time to start building the way to my next chapter, and this journaling technique is just what I need to keep from falling back into old thought habits that no longer support the way forward.
Our learning community uses Facebook, which I find quite incompatible with my values*, so I’ll post my progress here, to share it with those who are interested. Sadly, I will miss seeing what they are doing :-( , a real disappointment.
I’ll post newer content at the top of this page, chronologically, like a blog, since I don’t feel like starting a whole new blog for this right now :-)
If you’d like to comment, you can do it here or on Kajiji so others can join in (but where? It’s not clear to me yet).
See you on the calls, ladies!
Deb
* context on why I do not use Facebook, if you are curious:
Facebook (which also owns Whatsapp & Instagram) has a terrible record for protecting data privacy. It harvests data on user activity about *non-facebook* computer activities (ex: shopping, browsing), and it shares that data with third parties without explicit user permission! Furthermore, its algorithms manipulate which content people see, which I find invasive. So I’ve been off FB for years, which is sometimes a real hardship, as it means I’ve missed out on community conversation and inspiration in several courses, for which I paid full price. It also means I cannot contribute there, which I love doing. For my workshops, I hope to use MightyNetworks as a platform for my teaching, which the coaching community has researched and found to be committed to a higher ethical standard. I’ll let you know what I find there!
You are welcome to add comments here or on Kajabi, as I’m not on Facebook.
Deb :-)
Wow Deborah so beautiful and inspiring.